The Time Traveling Bulldozer

1 Oct

I am launching this blog on the eve of my birth, as a way to celebrate the last 23 years of my existence on this Earth. I am just one human being with a story. However there are huge gaps and wholes in my fairytale – pages with strange stains on them, cigarette burns – pages that are stuck together, torn apart, scribbled in foreign tongue and strange characters. I think there’s one page in there with a condom wrapper stuck to it. I digress.

I’m not much of a writer- but I am a liver (teehee). Please note, bad jokes are necessary in order to lower your expectations and then crush them with awesomeness in the future – or the past, since I will be writing my stories in (random) reverse chronological order. But I will help you time travel through my memories as I recall them piece by piece, bit by bit.

This morning,

I was taking a swell afternoon nap on the floor of my living room under my baby blanket,
I hopped in my Mini Cooper and took the shitty 93 freeway to work,
When all of a sudden the house on 8843 Longden Ave. in Southern California began to shake, rumble and grumble!
And was nearly swide-swiped by this monstrous thing on wheels, with dirt falling from its mouth,
I woke up from my nap and just knew that THE BULLDOZER was coming to MOVE MY HOUSE! WOW!
As I looked into my rear-view mirror I realized it was a freaking bulldozer tailgating me. Of course.
I immediately ran outside and ran all the way around it to look for the bulldozer –  but it wasn’t there.
I took a picture with my iPhone and continued the daily commute to my Corporate America job, remembering how I’ve always wondered about that bulldozer.
Then mom came out of the house and said to me, “don’t worry, it was only an earthquake. Get back in the house.”


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